The internal debate on whether to find your son or avoid a federal investigation. ๐Ÿค”
11 months ago
23
Mood: Unbothered and wearing it ๐Ÿ˜Ž
11 months ago
10
๐ŸŽ‰ New year, new meโ€ฆ same shenanigans! ๐Ÿ˜‚ #Oops
11 months ago
7
๐ŸŒ If the Earth was flat, cats would be our real gravity test! ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿพ
11 months ago
10
๐Ÿ” Colonel Sanders would be proud... of the revenge plot! ๐Ÿ—
11 months ago
10
When you want to promote peace and prosperity but you accidentally use the German localization pack. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
11 months ago
22
When you order a TV online and they say "fastest delivery, guaranteed" ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
6
Me explaining why I don't have tattoos: "Would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?"๐Ÿ’…
9 months ago
10
Me and my friend sharing our favorite snack
9 months ago
11
Obama dodging all the political drama like a boss ๐Ÿ˜Ž
9 months ago
13
When she wants the R8, but your bank account says 'salami and bologna special' ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
10
Me: *hands cashier wasp spray* Is this good for wasps? Cashier: *scanning* No, it kills them. ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
9
When your liberal minded lesbian neighbors ask for your help conceiving a child "the old fashioned way" and you've been trying to knock them up for 6 months after getting a vasectomy last year ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
9 months ago
7
Never date a girl who works at Subway! She knows what a real 6" looks like ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
7
Her: Why did we need radios, our relationship is over. Him: Building his cardboard fort of solitude. Our relationship is what? Over.
9 months ago
7