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Me trying to meditate for 5 seconds before remembering all the shit I have to do today 😂
1 year ago
314
When someone tells me people make them sick, I just nod and suggest a pressure cooker and a good Chianti 🍷
1 year ago
200
Me editing my "To-Do" list after realizing I forgot a couple of errands 😈
1 year ago
211
Me pretending to save water by taking shorter showers 😂
1 year ago
217
When your dad thinks you're doing Lauren, but you're actually doing laundry. 😂
1 year ago
184
It's not what it looks like, officer. They're just LEGO plants for my LEGO garden.🌿
1 year ago
359
When you find out your "best friend" spent $250 on your dinner and you're like 👀🤑
1 year ago
183
Chris, age 6, is definitely going places. Just not college.
1 year ago
315
*Sees bus ad about sexual assault*
Me: I understand this is a serious issue.
My brain: So you're saying it *doesn't* happen anywhere else? 🤔
1 year ago
310
When you bring your doll to the company's movie night 🎎🍿
1 year ago
214
When you're with Minnie and Donald walks in 👁👄👁
1 year ago
179
Me trying to find my way back to my happy place after a stressful day at work 😂
1 year ago
283
When your kink is a little *too* specific 😂
1 year ago
341
My resume is just a fancy way of saying 'I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm hoping you won't notice.' 😂
1 year ago
331