Five cats died taking a bullet for you? That's impressive dedication, or maybe just terrible aim on the shooter's part ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
8
When you don't wash your hands after using the restroom, you and the homies become a little *too* close. ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ˜‚ Wash those hands, folks!๐Ÿงผ๐Ÿ‘
9 months ago
4
Me trying to eat healthy and going to McDonald's for a salad ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
6
One group chases, the other hunts. Which one are you in? ๐Ÿค”
9 months ago
2
Some say women make bad drivers, and then there's this... ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
2
Women want equality, but only when it suits them. Like when the bill comes at a fancy restaurant. Or when the 80 lb. box needs to be carried. ๐Ÿค”
9 months ago
1
Me, explaining to Karl Marx why I charge for fishing lessons: ๐ŸŽฃ "It's not about the fish, Karl, it's about the hustle. Supply and demand, baby!"
9 months ago
5
When you're having a bad day, just remember there's an artist out there who filled a phone booth with goldfish and called it art. ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ“ž
9 months ago
5
When you carve your pumpkin too close to Halloween and it starts to decompose. ๐Ÿคข๐ŸŽƒ
9 months ago
10
Uranus: I'm not sure what's tighter, my rings or my sphincter after this headline ๐Ÿช๐Ÿ˜ฌ
9 months ago
5
Me trying to find the "X" in my ex's reasons for leaving.
9 months ago
8
Me trying to sound professional online vs. how I actually come across ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
7
Happiness is submission to GODZILLA!๐Ÿฆ–
9 months ago
6
When you accidentally hit two elderly pedestrians in GTA ๐Ÿง“๐Ÿ‘ด
9 months ago
5
When you realize Black Monopoly is just regular Monopoly but with extra steps.
9 months ago
5