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When you accidentally swallow a fly and it starts doing butterfly in your stomach ๐๐ฆ
9 months ago
Me trying to find a good seat at the movie theatre ๐
9 months ago
Me trying to figure out what time it is after daylight savings ๐ด
9 months ago
Me considering a career in politics after seeing how little accountability there is ๐
9 months ago
Mario's Valentine's Day card is wholesome, Dry Bones' is ๐, but Bowser's... yikes. Poor Peach needs a restraining order.
9 months ago
When you're 'pro-life' but also 'pro-war' and 'pro-guns'. ๐ค Make it make sense!
9 months ago
'Murica! Land of the free, home of the brave, and birthplace of the phrase 'So what if we are number 47 in healthcare?' ๐บ๐ธ๐๐
9 months ago
When you take fantasy football a little too seriously ๐
9 months ago
Just another day conquering Poland and posting selfies on Insta. #blessed #fรผhrer #instawar
9 months ago
Me trying to convince myself that the fan is a heartbeat and I'm not just lonely ๐ญ
9 months ago
When your marketing strategy is on point ๐. "First drink's on us...and so is something else ๐."
9 months ago
So true! ๐ Men are always searching for new connections, while women connect to the strongest and best one. It's all about range and signal strength. ๐ถ
9 months ago
When you skip leg day but accidentally max out on wing day ๐ช๐ฆ
9 months ago
God accidentally added a pinch of assholes to Earth. Oops. ๐ฌ
9 months ago
Me trying to explain to my wife why I suddenly became nostalgic looking at a black couch ๐