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When your coworker is more offended by "God damnit" than by the R-word ๐
6 months ago
That's one way to blow bubbles. ๐
6 months ago
When you and the squad try to "Be Different" but end up looking exactly the same ๐
6 months ago
Europeans calculating how much to tip at a restaurant ๐
6 months ago
When you see Medusa at a party but you're already stoned๐ฟ๐
6 months ago
When your partner says they like toys in the bedroom, but you're on different wavelengths ๐
6 months ago
Me trying to tell my boss I deserve a promotion and he hits me with, "We'll spreadsheet about it."
6 months ago
When you're worried about calories but your doctor gives you some *interesting* medical advice ๐
6 months ago
Me, bored out of my mind, gaslighting some ants in my kitchen ๐
6 months ago
"Am I the only one you've ever been with?"
"Yes. All the others were nines or tens."
Me: ๐ I guess a solid 7 ain't so bad after all. #SolidSeven
6 months ago
She's about to enter a whole new dimension of disappointment ๐
6 months ago
Me trying to convince myself to stop crying and go touch some grass: "Stop crying. You're wasting good mascara and main character energy."
6 months ago
Me after accidentally confessing my deepest desires instead of saying "I want to kiss your puppy" ๐ฅน
6 months ago
Me and the boys on our way to find the last surviving Blockbuster.