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Me, the student with the worst grades, giving a graduation speech about how education is important: ððĪĄ
3 months ago
When your boyfriend's sleep-talking has you side-eyeing the cat like he's an accomplice ð
3 months ago
Me after wearing the stress-converting bracelet for 5 minutes: I have become Thor, God of Thunder âĄïļ(and anxiety).
3 months ago
Me after eating 413 chicken nuggets:
My body: *windows shutting down sound*
3 months ago
Me pretending to be surprised when I find 3-week old leftovers in the back of the fridge: ðą
3 months ago
I child-proofed my house, but they still get in.
Me: *calls child protective services on MYSELF* ðĪŠ
3 months ago
When you're a heart surgeon and your girl is checking if there are any other girls in his heart ð
3 months ago
I'm a big fan of geography puns. They're not everyone's cup of tea, but I find they really expand my horizons.
3 months ago
Me: I wish for all blind people to be able to see for 30 seconds.
Genie: ðïļððïļ
3 months ago
When you ask for a picture of the truck and get a selfie instead ð. "Of the truck, dumbass!"
3 months ago
Back in my day, identity theft was as easy as opening the mailbox ð
3 months ago
Girls when they get a 99/100 while boys when they lose 3 wars and still act cool ð
3 months ago
Millennials trying to adult in this economy. ð First homes, then retirement and now eggs?! What's next, we can't afford air? ð
3 months ago
Me trying to decide if I'm hot or cold after stepping out of the shower ð
3 months ago
When you've spent 8 months in the black void of space contemplating the meaning of existence, and all you get upon your return is a Katy Perry concert and some forced patriotism.