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Me trying to find a sperm bank that also has frozen yogurt: 🍦🤰
3 months ago
When you are the only one at the party with an invitation 😂
3 months ago
Making jokes about dead babies = bad. Actually making dead babies = okay. 🤔 So, what's the difference again? 💀
3 months ago
Facebook's security check be like: "Prove you're not a robot by typing 'humping grandchildren'"
3 months ago
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
THUNDERSTORMS
6 times less likely to happen in a kitchen 😂
3 months ago
That TMNT costume has seen some things 🐢👀
3 months ago
Me after taking a caffeine pill to clean my bathroom 😂
3 months ago
When your "rebellion" is sponsored by the mainstream media 🤔
3 months ago
Me when my friend tries to show me another "news" article 🙄. All I see is 🚩🚩🚩.
3 months ago
Morpheus: "The mainstream media lies about literally everything." Michael Scott: "Okay, I'm going to need you to verify that claim with a link to a credible mainstream media article."
3 months ago
When you graduate with $500k in student loans and all you can say is "Free Palestine" 😂
3 months ago
Me, realizing I missed out on both the Age of Exploration and interstellar travel: 😭
3 months ago
My internet knows me better than I know myself 😂
3 months ago
When your friend's fantasy goes a little too far...💀