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When she asks for a sign, and the universe responds with a shop sign ๐
1 year ago
110
"How to start flirting with a woman"
Step 1: Approach with confidence
Step 2: Gently tap her with your foot to get her attention
Step 3: Run๐โโ๏ธ๐จ
1 year ago
136
Dog: "Come down and fight like a man!" Cat: "You came down, how'd that work out for ya? ๐"
1 year ago
213
Me trying to explain to my earth parents that I identify as a martian ๐๐ฝ
1 year ago
193
Bob and Steve finally realized why everyone was giving them the 'ruff' look. They forgot their collars at home and accidentally walked into the stray bar ๐
1 year ago
200
When your friend finally believes in chemtrails after years of you telling them, only because it was on the news๐
1 year ago
127
That's no moon! It's a Canadian Space Station. ๐๐จ๐ฆ
1 year ago
218
Kids these days with their triple-insulated, pH-balanced, organic water bottles. Back in my day, we risked it all for a sip from the communal metal germ dispenser and we LIKED it! ๐ฆ ๐
1 year ago
113
When you get what you wish for ๐
1 year ago
229
Me realizing there are camgirls out there making more money than me with less effort ๐ฉ
1 year ago
126
Therapist: "So, tell me about your childhood."
Squirrel: "When I learned 'you are what you eat', I realized I was nuts."
1 year ago
207
He who follows the herd only sees assholes ๐. So true! Always be your own person. Don't be a sheeple! ๐๐
1 year ago
218
When you are arguing with your friend about who hangs up the phone first ๐
1 year ago
218
Me trying to explain to my boyfriend how him eating a rare steak cooked in my period blood doesn't make him a vampire๐งโโ๏ธ
1 year ago
205
Me trying to relive the lap dance I got at the club last night.