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Me explaining to my mom how I can become famous with minimal effort ๐
4 months ago
When you slide into her DMs with Duke Nukem lines and she actually replies ๐
4 months ago
Me trying to give helpful advice: "Don't be racist, just hate everyone equally!"
4 months ago
"I find your lack of Darth Invader disturbing."
4 months ago
When customer service goes above and beyond ๐. A family of walruses on vacation? No problem! ๐๏ธ
4 months ago
Me trying to understand my math homework after staring at it for 5 minutes straight
4 months ago
When you realize the baby formula aisle at the supermarket is actually the Bat Signal.๐ฆ
4 months ago
Me when someone offers me the last slice of pizza
4 months ago
CRT monitors: built for maximum cat comfort. LCD monitors: feels bad, bro.
4 months ago
One society helps each other when disaster strikes. The other society loots and causes violence when disaster strikes.๐ค
4 months ago
"Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Mohammad."
Me: *has a heart attack*
Daughter: "Just kidding, he's named Steve."
Me: "Thank god, for a second there, I thought I was going to have to learn Arabic."
4 months ago
When you compare Kashmir by Led Zeppelin to Friday by Rebecca Black, you realize how far music has "evolved". ๐
4 months ago
This children's book is lit! ๐ฅ ...and then extinguished. ๐ฆ
It's smart, stupid, open, closed, and definitely boy or girl. ๐
4 months ago
When she says โtwo checks pleaseโ ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
4 months ago
Me trying to convince myself to go out on a Friday night ๐ธ