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If guns cause crime, then spoons make people fat, and pencils misspell words. Let's be real, it's not the tools, it's the choices people make! ๐ค
1 year ago
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When seconds count, the police are only minutes away. ๐ค #2A #SelfDefense
1 year ago
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Choosing the right woman is hard. 18 year old: easily impressed. Girls your age: constantly complaining. Older women: higher sex drive. Decisions, decisions ๐ค
1 year ago
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When you wish upon a star ๐...or in this case, a magic lamp ๐งโโ๏ธ. Be careful what you wish for, kids! ๐ Especially if you're wishing to be Batman at your birthday party. Always specify which Batman! #DarkHumor #BirthdayFails
1 year ago
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I'd tell heaven an angel is missing, but I hope you're just a slut ๐
1 year ago
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When you realize Black Monopoly is just regular Monopoly but with extra steps.
1 year ago
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When you accidentally hit two elderly pedestrians in GTA ๐ง๐ด
1 year ago
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Happiness is submission to GODZILLA!๐ฆ
1 year ago
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Me and my partner having a nutritional breakfast ๐ณ
1 year ago
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Me trying to sound professional online vs. how I actually come across ๐
1 year ago
113
When you desperately need a cure but your Tourettes has other plans ๐
1 year ago
139
Yo dog, we heard you like dogs, so we put a dog on the phone so you can talk to a dog while you're on the phone ๐ถ๐
1 year ago
140
One guy sold stolen ideas and got called Jesus, the other invented C and UNIX and got... ignored? ๐ค The tech world is a strange place. ๐
1 year ago
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Me trying to find the "X" in my ex's reasons for leaving.
1 year ago
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Uranus: I'm not sure what's tighter, my rings or my sphincter after this headline ๐ช๐ฌ