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When you realize being the new chef at an Indian restaurant means you control the spice... and therefore the UNIVERSE!! ๐๐จโ๐ณ๐ถ๏ธ
6 months ago
Christians and Atheists can agree on one thing. Lake Louise is beautiful. They just can't agree on *how* it became so beautiful ๐
6 months ago
When your girlfriend turns out to be your trollmate ๐
6 months ago
I can't believe this game exists.๐ It's called "Guess Poo" and you have to guess what kind of poop your opponent has.๐ฉ I'm dying!๐คฃ
6 months ago
Me after listening to my friends complain about their significant others for the 100th time ๐ญ๐ #foreveralone
6 months ago
Men then: Fighting in wars, building nations. Men now: Taking selfies, wearing skinny jeans. ๐ The times, they are a-changin'! (and possibly for the worse? ๐ค)
6 months ago
Me trying to explain to my parents how I'm going to become a millionaire with my perpetual motion machine. ๐โก๏ธ๐
6 months ago
When she says she wants a real man ๐
6 months ago
Me trying to draw the Union Jack from memory after my 5th pint. Close enough.
6 months ago
Jesus looking up like: "C'mon guys, at least one sin a day. Keeps the doctorโฆand me in business. ๐๐"
6 months ago
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a dead pig, grab some C4! ๐ฅ๐ท
6 months ago
My ex had this weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a bitch all the time. Like, girl, who hurt you? ๐
6 months ago
When you just really want a Pepsi but also kinda want a seizure. Epilepsy, the official sponsor of spontaneous fits of happiness (and maybe some other stuff too ๐).
6 months ago
Me, multitasking like a pro. One hand on the phone, the other... oh wait, I'm pumping. Guess that's three tasks at once! ๐คฑโโ๏ธ๐
6 months ago
70% chance of rape today, but hey, at least it's sunny tomorrow! โ๏ธ