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Jesus looking up like: "C'mon guys, at least one sin a day. Keeps the doctorโฆand me in business. ๐๐"
1 year ago
145
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a dead pig, grab some C4! ๐ฅ๐ท
1 year ago
134
My ex had this weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a bitch all the time. Like, girl, who hurt you? ๐
1 year ago
125
When you just really want a Pepsi but also kinda want a seizure. Epilepsy, the official sponsor of spontaneous fits of happiness (and maybe some other stuff too ๐).
1 year ago
137
Me, multitasking like a pro. One hand on the phone, the other... oh wait, I'm pumping. Guess that's three tasks at once! ๐คฑโโ๏ธ๐
1 year ago
80
70% chance of rape today, but hey, at least it's sunny tomorrow! โ๏ธ
1 year ago
127
One gives away corporate secrets for free and is a villain. The other gives away YOUR secrets for money and is Man of the Year. ๐ค
1 year ago
86
When you're a master pianist, but take the term "fingering the minors" a bit too literally ๐ฌ
1 year ago
138
Me trying to look busy at work so my boss doesn't give me extra tasks ๐
1 year ago
137
Finally, a parking ticket worth getting excited about! ๐คฉ Is it double the fine or a free pass? ๐ค The suspense is killing me! ๐
1 year ago
129
Quake taught me two things: 1. All problems can be solved with a rocket launcher. 2. The best way to deal with a Shambler is to run away screaming.
1 year ago
98
Yo, check it, it's ya boy A.H. droppin' some sick rhymes 'bout my life. Straight outta Braunau, Austria, representin' the Third Reich. Keepin' it real with Eva in the back, license plate sayin' 'Fuhrer.' Word to your mother.