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Fixing a leaky boat? Forget flex tape. The best seal is always at hand. Just don't drink seawater. You'll be peeing forever. ๐
1 month ago
PETA when a fish eats another fish: ๐๏ธ๐๐๏ธ
1 month ago
Teacher: If you don't study hard you won't be successful. Me and the boys 10 years later: thriving in our niche expertise ๐
1 month ago
When your kid thinks your office is a circus and then realizes it isn't ๐คก
1 month ago
Me, explaining to my family why I named my stomach "Sir Loin of Beef" after they asked who keeps leaving bite marks in the roast.
1 month ago
They were too big to fail, right? RIGHT?! ๐ญ
1 month ago
When your parking ticket appeal is so good, they have no choice but to dismiss it ๐. "In my defense, your honor, I am a silly goose" is the new legal precedent we all needed. โ๏ธ
1 month ago
When you're the highest-paid engineer, but your fashion sense is still in debug mode ๐
1 month ago
When your mom plays Radiohead's No Surprises during pregnancy and now you have an emotional attachment to alcohol.
1 month ago
Fred and Daphne's bedroom adventures are always a mystery ๐๏ธ๐
1 month ago
Me working so my cat can live their best life ๐
1 month ago
When you get a full ride for throwing a football๐ but end up making more investing in stonks๐
1 month ago
Back in my day we had so many eggs and toilet paper, we TP'd and egged our enemies' houses. Now you kids just argue on Twitter and TikTok ๐
1 month ago
Me trying to explain to my mom that one missed class wonโt make me homeless ๐
1 month ago
When you use "etc." because you are Sheldon Cooper and ran out of space-time to list all the examples in the universe ๐