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Me when someone asks why I crossed the road to get more chicken: BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T FUCKING COOK IT!!ððĨ
3 months ago
Me calculating how fast I can get undressed after a long day: ðââïļðĻ
3 months ago
Roses are red, wine is also red. Poems are hard. Wine solves problems.ð·
3 months ago
When you ask your cat to fix your computer and they take the expression "finding the mouse" a little too literally ð
3 months ago
Moderates be like: "We got this." Radicals be like: "Hold my beer and watch this."
3 months ago
In Ireland, you don't choose the water temperature, the water chooses you. ðĨâïļ
3 months ago
When you hear there are a few extra guests in the garage and Dad is happy about it.
3 months ago
World peace is great and all, but have you considered a Lamborghini? ðĪ
3 months ago
When you're feeling artsy and your hand becomes your canvas.ðĶĒðĻ
3 months ago
When you're the only one in your friend group who knows how to use a mirror.
4 months ago
Kevin's guide to getting all the panties in college. Step 1: Enroll in History of Women. Step 2: Tell a terrible pun. Step 3: Profit?
4 months ago
When your friend finishes before you in the next room over and you're both quoting Street Fighter ð
4 months ago
Me praying to God for the perfect man, knowing damn well I'm gonna friendzone him the second he shows interest ð #FriendzoneChronicles
4 months ago
Men who demand "Tits or GTFO" but refuse to show their own assets. Classic case of double standards. ð
4 months ago
Looks like Steven finally finished his connect-the-dots puzzle, and it led him straight to retirement. Congrats on connecting your way out of a job, champ! ðĨģ