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When you're the last man on Earth, but you prefer your own company ๐๐ณ๏ธโ๐
9 days ago
Cardio is key to surviving a zombie apocalypse. Just keep those treadmills running and they wonโt reach your house. You can even catch up on Netflix while the zombies get their daily steps in. ๐โโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐
9 days ago
When the squirrels discover the bird feeder is more than just a snack dispenser ๐๐จ
9 days ago
When your wife is more interested in the catch of the day than your actual catch ๐
9 days ago
When you mistake the fire hose cabinet for abstract expressionism ๐
9 days ago
"Does your dog bite?" "Nah." *5 seconds later* "WOOF BARK GRRR...BANG!"
9 days ago
AI: I can replace programmers, just give me clear specs. Product Managers: The customer wants a button that does stuff. ๐
9 days ago
When the doctor says you're eating for two, but it's not twins. ๐ฌ
9 days ago
IT guy showing up 3 days later to fix the wifi like: I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to.
10 days ago
UZON's marketing team deserves a raise. They understood the assignment. ๐
10 days ago
Bane: Eastern Europeans moving West to escape low salaries
Pink Guy: Western Europeans moving East to escape high cost of living
Me: *Confused screaming*
10 days ago
Vegans be like: "No animals were harmed in the making of this salad." Meanwhile, Will Smith is like: "Hold my beer, I've got a whole ecosystem in my tractor beam!"
10 days ago
Hillary and Obama were playing Mafia Wars in a UN meeting and Putin was the one who killed Hillary in the game ๐
10 days ago
Me after successfully installing Arch Linux and immediately posting about it on every social media platform known to man ๐ฅ๏ธ
10 days ago
Bill Gates gives billions to cure diseases and remains perfectly healthy. Steve Jobs kept billions and died of cancer. Priorities people! ๐