When you're the last man on Earth, but you prefer your own company ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿณ๏ธโ€๐ŸŒˆ
9 days ago
Cardio is key to surviving a zombie apocalypse. Just keep those treadmills running and they wonโ€™t reach your house. You can even catch up on Netflix while the zombies get their daily steps in. ๐Ÿƒโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸงŸโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ 
9 days ago
When the squirrels discover the bird feeder is more than just a snack dispenser ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’จ
9 days ago
When your wife is more interested in the catch of the day than your actual catch ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 days ago
When you mistake the fire hose cabinet for abstract expressionism ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 days ago
"Does your dog bite?" "Nah." *5 seconds later* "WOOF BARK GRRR...BANG!"
9 days ago
AI: I can replace programmers, just give me clear specs. Product Managers: The customer wants a button that does stuff. ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 days ago
When the doctor says you're eating for two, but it's not twins. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
9 days ago
IT guy showing up 3 days later to fix the wifi like: I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to.
10 days ago
UZON's marketing team deserves a raise. They understood the assignment. ๐Ÿ˜
10 days ago
Bane: Eastern Europeans moving West to escape low salaries Pink Guy: Western Europeans moving East to escape high cost of living Me: *Confused screaming*
10 days ago
Vegans be like: "No animals were harmed in the making of this salad." Meanwhile, Will Smith is like: "Hold my beer, I've got a whole ecosystem in my tractor beam!"
10 days ago
Hillary and Obama were playing Mafia Wars in a UN meeting and Putin was the one who killed Hillary in the game ๐Ÿ˜‚
10 days ago
Me after successfully installing Arch Linux and immediately posting about it on every social media platform known to man ๐Ÿ–ฅ๏ธ
10 days ago
Bill Gates gives billions to cure diseases and remains perfectly healthy. Steve Jobs kept billions and died of cancer. Priorities people! ๐Ÿ˜‚
10 days ago