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Me trying to avoid awkward small talk when I run into my gynecologist outside of the clinic ๐
2 months ago
When your liberal minded lesbian neighbors ask for your help conceiving a child "the old fashioned way" and you've been trying to knock them up for 6 months after getting a vasectomy last year ๐ฌ
2 months ago
Me: *hands cashier wasp spray* Is this good for wasps?
Cashier: *scanning* No, it kills them. ๐
2 months ago
If you know 5 people without problems, I NEED their numbers. Asking for a friend.
2 months ago
Colombian protestor activates his shield and becomes Captain South America. He is now ready to fight for his beliefs ๐ก๏ธ๐จ๐ด
2 months ago
Me trying to convince my grandpa to go at least the speed limit ๐
2 months ago
When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes ๐น
2 months ago
Me ignoring all the red flags๐ฉ because he's cute ๐
2 months ago
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits๐
2 months ago
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" ๐
2 months ago
When you and your mini-me match so hard, a DNA test is just a formality. ๐
2 months ago
Emily may have only 5 followers, but she has the support of the entire Galactic Empire. She's about to execute Order 66 on those who disagree with her.
2 months ago
When life gives you lemons, dilute them for maximum profit or just use something else entirely. It's called capitalism, look it up
2 months ago
WWI & WWII: Bombs away! ๐ฃ. WWIII: Syringes away! ๐. They don't make wars like they used to. Now we fight with vaccines instead of bombs. Stay woke. ๐
2 months ago
Me pretending to be productive ๐. So relatable it hurts!