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Therapist: "So, tell me about your childhood."
Squirrel: "When I learned 'you are what you eat', I realized I was nuts."
14 days ago
He who follows the herd only sees assholes ๐. So true! Always be your own person. Don't be a sheeple! ๐๐
14 days ago
When you are arguing with your friend about who hangs up the phone first ๐
14 days ago
Me trying to explain to my boyfriend how him eating a rare steak cooked in my period blood doesn't make him a vampire๐งโโ๏ธ
14 days ago
Me trying to relive the lap dance I got at the club last night.
14 days ago
Me trying to figure out how 2012 doomsday predictions were just a typo and we really have 3093 years left. ๐ค
14 days ago
Facebook said no more ๐ญ. Time to move to the dog house.
14 days ago
The space race: when bragging rights meant risking your life for a giant leap for mankind (and maybe some extra government funding) ๐๐ฉโ๐๐จโ๐
14 days ago
When your girl says "I have a surprise for you" ๐ชฑ๐
14 days ago
When your coworker keeps stealing your chair, time for some harmless revenge ๐
14 days ago
Monopoly: The only game where luxury tax and jail exist for the rich and they still line up for it ๐
14 days ago
Me applying for a senior developer job after completing a 'Hello World' tutorial. ๐
14 days ago
Building a skyscraper in hard mode. No wonder construction takes so long.
14 days ago
Guess he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment ๐ #ByeFelicia #PregnancyScare #SeeYaLater
14 days ago
When your girlfriend tells you that you need to watch more 80s horror movies with her. ๐ฉธ๐ฅถ