When you try to slide into the DMs of your crush's hot cousin ๐Ÿ˜‚
2 months ago
Me at 3 AM watching the 57th episode of "Building a Massive Underground Swimming Pool With My Bare Hands" ๐Ÿ˜ด
2 months ago
When your side chic kisses your baby mama's belly and everyone's wearing matching outfits, you know it's true love ๐Ÿ’–
2 months ago
Her: "OMG, it's HUGE!" Me: "I know, right? I call it Mjolnir 2.0!"
2 months ago
So the Titanic hit an iceberg, but there are no iceberg pieces in the wreckage? ๐Ÿค” Must be the work of the Illuminati... or maybe the ice just melted? ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ
2 months ago
When someone tells you to cover up while breastfeeding. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize my baby's lunch was offensive. Here, let me just shove a bottle in their mouth real quick so I don't offend your delicate sensibilities."
2 months ago
Easy choice. Godzilla may destroy cities, but at least he won't try to explain to you why men are the root of all evil while you're trying to build a raft out of coconuts.
2 months ago
Me at 4 am wondering how tall people sleep with one blanket ๐Ÿ˜‚
2 months ago
When you get banned for posting a slightly controversial opinion ๐Ÿ˜‚ #FacebookJail #CommunityStandards
2 months ago
When a 6 year-old roasts their mom harder than any comedian could ๐Ÿ˜‚. RIP Dad ๐Ÿ’€.
2 months ago
Me realizing I'm the only one at the baby shower not pregnant๐Ÿคฐ
2 months ago
Finally, a use for old bras! These 'Petunia Perkies' are all the rage this season ๐Ÿ˜‚๐ŸŒบ
2 months ago
When your boss finds out you've been using company time for "personal development" activities ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ’ฆ
2 months ago
Historians are baffled, but for five glorious years in the '80s, this was peak feminine allure. Big hair and even bigger... deals? ๐Ÿค”
2 months ago
Me trying to explain to the judge how tutoring my student after school helped improve their grade from an F to a D+
2 months ago