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UK: Maybe next time...
Meanwhile, USA: No one wants to play football (soccer) with me? Fine! I'll play with myself! (baseball, not what you thought ๐)
8 months ago
22
Jesus turning flour into cocaine? Looks like heโs about to turn water into wineโฆwith a kick. ๐
8 months ago
36
When you're drunk at 3 am and go to the drive-thru ๐
8 months ago
36
Me trying to explain to my mom that being a breakdancer and a flamboyant waiter are two completely different career paths.๐๐บ
8 months ago
27
Divorced men over 50 looking for love in all the wrong places ๐
8 months ago
25
Me trying to subtly become Megamind
9 months ago
38
Doctors if they were Sysadmins: "Is this life support machine still necessary? No idea. Let's unplug it and see who screams."
9 months ago
28
I bet T-Rex tasted like chicken. ๐
9 months ago
33
So, if you're happy in a non-muslim country, why did you even leave your own? ๐ค
9 months ago
29
Me: *tells my problems to my friends and family*
Rock: Turn me over
Me: *turns the rock over*
Rock: Now you just took orders from a rock ๐ชจ
Me: ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฟ
9 months ago
26
"I'm not saying God is racist, but have you seen the first drafts?"
9 months ago
27
When the bass drops so hard, it blows up the lab ๐น
9 months ago
33
Me trying to fix an NES cartridge in 1992 ๐
9 months ago
22
Me hiding the engagement ring somewhere in the house so she won't find it before I propose. ๐
9 months ago
28
Pigs and people striking a deal. I guess bacon really is off the menu now. ๐ค