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Her: Why did we need radios, our relationship is over.
Him: Building his cardboard fort of solitude. Our relationship is what? Over.
5 months ago
Never date a girl who works at Subway! She knows what a real 6" looks like ๐
5 months ago
Me trying to call 911 after my face got rekt by a gang of pixels. ๐ญ
5 months ago
Me trying to look cute in my profile picture vs. me five minutes later realizing I have 10 assignments due tomorrow ๐
5 months ago
She's not just breaking the law, she's breaking the cycle of dirty dishes. A true criminal mastermind.
5 months ago
Me trying to avoid awkward small talk when I run into my gynecologist outside of the clinic ๐
5 months ago
When your liberal minded lesbian neighbors ask for your help conceiving a child "the old fashioned way" and you've been trying to knock them up for 6 months after getting a vasectomy last year ๐ฌ
5 months ago
Me: *hands cashier wasp spray* Is this good for wasps?
Cashier: *scanning* No, it kills them. ๐
5 months ago
If you know 5 people without problems, I NEED their numbers. Asking for a friend.
5 months ago
Colombian protestor activates his shield and becomes Captain South America. He is now ready to fight for his beliefs ๐ก๏ธ๐จ๐ด
5 months ago
Me trying to convince my grandpa to go at least the speed limit ๐
5 months ago
When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes ๐น
5 months ago
Me ignoring all the red flags๐ฉ because he's cute ๐
5 months ago
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits๐
5 months ago
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" ๐