When your partner asks about the scar and you're like "Oh honey it's a long story. Grab a drink and sit down."
3 months ago
Me at my boss's funeral thinking "who's late now?"💀😂
3 months ago
It's okay to be you. Unless you're a mosquito. Then it's okay to swat you.🦟
3 months ago
When you try to dispose of the evidence but it comes back to haunt you 🔥🐍
3 months ago
When she tells you how many fingers she's using.
3 months ago
When your crush says they are feeling more suicidal than usual and your first thought is "lemme smash" 💀
3 months ago
When the doctor says the disease is gone, but your son is also gone 😂
3 months ago
When you're feeling a little short on company 🤏😂
3 months ago
Me when my friend says they are gonna be a transformer and I unplug their life support
3 months ago
When you try to flex on someone with no arms but forget you also have no arms 😂😭
3 months ago
Me trying to explain dark humor to people who get offended easily 😂
3 months ago
When you arrive at McDonald's at 4:59 AM. The anticipation is killing me! 😂
3 months ago
Connecticut Welcomes You! Birthplace of George W. Bush We Apologize 😂
3 months ago
When you're trying to be romantic, but reality calls 🚽😂
3 months ago
When you're trying to improve the gene pool but your standards are too high 😂
3 months ago