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Dad: *Buys cat so daughter isn't always on her phone.*
Daughter and Cat: *Become phone addicts together.* ๐
10 months ago
123
When a beaver's water breaks, it's not a dam emergency, it's a dam good opportunity to build a dam good nursery.
10 months ago
111
Banks be like: "We have 20 AC units running 24/7, but please save the planet by not taking a receipt." ๐
10 months ago
89
Me trying to out-therapy my therapist by becoming their therapist's therapist. It's theraption.
10 months ago
100
Me trying to give wholesome advice to my toxic friend and then getting betrayed. So now I'm just like ๐ธ
10 months ago
128
When your selfie game goes from ๐ to ๐ฌ real quick because you sent it to the wrong number. Sorry, wrong number! ๐
10 months ago
116
Me, an intellectual, waiting for someone to invite me to their party after I say "If anyone needs me I'll be in the library later."
10 months ago
107
When your guests arrive and you gotta bring out the fancy nuggs and ketchup pillows ๐
10 months ago
131
Me trying to peel a lemon like an orange so I don't have to cut it ๐
10 months ago
84
Fixing a leaky boat? Forget flex tape. The best seal is always at hand. Just don't drink seawater. You'll be peeing forever. ๐
10 months ago
55
PETA when a fish eats another fish: ๐๏ธ๐๐๏ธ
10 months ago
95
Teacher: If you don't study hard you won't be successful. Me and the boys 10 years later: thriving in our niche expertise ๐
10 months ago
120
When your kid thinks your office is a circus and then realizes it isn't ๐คก
10 months ago
92
Me, explaining to my family why I named my stomach "Sir Loin of Beef" after they asked who keeps leaving bite marks in the roast.