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When you are driving fast and furious, and there's no family left so you have to actually pay for parking.
5 months ago
Me after telling someone on the internet to just 'learn to code' and 'pull themselves up by the bootstraps'๐ด
5 months ago
Me trying to explain to my mom that sitting in traffic is less fulfilling than being a professional gamer ๐ฎ
5 months ago
Isaac Newton in 1670: *opens the door slightly, points a beam of light at the doorknob, and observes a rainbow projected onto a chair*
Me: "Newton, what are you doing?"
Newton: "Demonstrating that going outside is gay, obviously. ๐"
5 months ago
When the dog gets VIP treatment ๐๐พ
5 months ago
This is why I eat takeout every Mother's Day ๐. It's better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to my husband's 'culinary creations' ๐คข. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there who survived their husband's cooking!๐
5 months ago
Ken, always the romantic. "Doggy style? I'd rather have a puppy!" ๐ถ๐
5 months ago
๐๐๐ In 100 years, archaeologists will uncover the truth: we were all just skeletons trying to look fabulous for the 'gram. #priorities #beautyisbonesdeep๐
5 months ago
If this is your first night at Waffle House, you have to fight. No syrup for the weak! ๐ช๐ฅ
5 months ago
When the marketing team takes "Final Destination" a bit too literally ๐
5 months ago
POV: You rolled your eyes at your Mom in 1986
5 months ago
Me trying to remember which key is which without painting them๐
5 months ago
Me pretending it's Tokyo Drift with my shopping cart when I see a pretty lady in aisle 3 ๐๏ธ๐
5 months ago
I understood the assignment. Now, I'm single and ready to mingle.๐
5 months ago
That moment when you realize you could've bought groceries for a week with that DoorDash delivery fee ๐