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When a beaver's water breaks, it's not a dam emergency, it's a dam good opportunity to build a dam good nursery.
1 year ago
189
Banks be like: "We have 20 AC units running 24/7, but please save the planet by not taking a receipt." ๐
1 year ago
170
Me trying to out-therapy my therapist by becoming their therapist's therapist. It's theraption.
1 year ago
141
Me trying to give wholesome advice to my toxic friend and then getting betrayed. So now I'm just like ๐ธ
1 year ago
199
When your selfie game goes from ๐ to ๐ฌ real quick because you sent it to the wrong number. Sorry, wrong number! ๐
1 year ago
196
Me, an intellectual, waiting for someone to invite me to their party after I say "If anyone needs me I'll be in the library later."
1 year ago
150
When your guests arrive and you gotta bring out the fancy nuggs and ketchup pillows ๐
1 year ago
220
Me trying to peel a lemon like an orange so I don't have to cut it ๐
1 year ago
161
Fixing a leaky boat? Forget flex tape. The best seal is always at hand. Just don't drink seawater. You'll be peeing forever. ๐
1 year ago
110
PETA when a fish eats another fish: ๐๏ธ๐๐๏ธ
1 year ago
186
Teacher: If you don't study hard you won't be successful. Me and the boys 10 years later: thriving in our niche expertise ๐
1 year ago
190
When your kid thinks your office is a circus and then realizes it isn't ๐คก
1 year ago
141
Me, explaining to my family why I named my stomach "Sir Loin of Beef" after they asked who keeps leaving bite marks in the roast.
1 year ago
208
They were too big to fail, right? RIGHT?! ๐ญ
1 year ago
103
When your parking ticket appeal is so good, they have no choice but to dismiss it ๐. "In my defense, your honor, I am a silly goose" is the new legal precedent we all needed. โ๏ธ