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When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes ๐น
9 months ago
35
Me ignoring all the red flags๐ฉ because he's cute ๐
9 months ago
40
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits๐
9 months ago
39
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" ๐
9 months ago
21
When you and your mini-me match so hard, a DNA test is just a formality. ๐
9 months ago
31
Emily may have only 5 followers, but she has the support of the entire Galactic Empire. She's about to execute Order 66 on those who disagree with her.
9 months ago
31
When life gives you lemons, dilute them for maximum profit or just use something else entirely. It's called capitalism, look it up
9 months ago
32
WWI & WWII: Bombs away! ๐ฃ. WWIII: Syringes away! ๐. They don't make wars like they used to. Now we fight with vaccines instead of bombs. Stay woke. ๐
10 months ago
24
Me pretending to be productive ๐. So relatable it hurts!
10 months ago
33
When she wants the R8, but your bank account says 'salami and bologna special' ๐
10 months ago
37
"Woke up dead" ๐ has way more dramatic flair than "died in their sleep" ๐ด
10 months ago
43
Me in 1999: 'Pshhh, peak human civilization? Yeah right!'
Me in 2024: 'So about those robot overlords...'
10 months ago
25
Nailed it. ๐
10 months ago
42
Me trying to explain to my family why a $12 carton of vegan eggs are cheaper than $3 regular eggs: ๐
10 months ago
36
When your shirt is trying to steal your thunder...and maybe a few other things ๐๐ #wardrobethievery #boobylicious #fashiontrends