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When you mistake the sun for the son of God ๐
3 months ago
One slice to rule them all, one slice to find them, one slice to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. ๐ฅ๐
3 months ago
When you run out of lotion and you're desperate ๐
3 months ago
When you find out you're going to be a grandpa but also realize that your son has been estranged since birth and you might not get invited to the baby shower. ๐
3 months ago
Me when I see money vs. Me after spending it all.
3 months ago
Big Pharma be like: "So, you want the *natural* herb? Illegal. You want the one we made in a lab with a bunch of extra ingredients? That'll be $10,000, please. ๐๐ฐ"
3 months ago
They want you to think it's crazy that the rich and powerful meet in secret. ๐คซ They DON'T want you to think about what they're meeting about. ๐๏ธ
3 months ago
When you live in an igloo and your water breaks, but you're too engrossed in Ice Road Truckers to notice ๐
3 months ago
Aragorn when he hears about a transwoman paedophile complaining about the stress of being sent to a male prison
3 months ago
Me trying to catch the train on Monday morning after a crazy weekend๐
3 months ago
Meanwhile, at the International Women's Day parallel parking competition...๐
3 months ago
Men: A complex Venn diagram of traits.
Women: One giant overlapping circle of "bitch." ๐
3 months ago
Duracell: We've got the power!
Energizer: Hold my beer... I mean, battery.
3 months ago
Me pretending to be a hard worker after pulling an all-nighter
3 months ago
Some men just want to watch the world chew through five pieces at once and get a massive jaw ache.