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Me: *hands cashier wasp spray* Is this good for wasps?
Cashier: *scanning* No, it kills them. ๐
11 months ago
88
If you know 5 people without problems, I NEED their numbers. Asking for a friend.
11 months ago
66
Colombian protestor activates his shield and becomes Captain South America. He is now ready to fight for his beliefs ๐ก๏ธ๐จ๐ด
11 months ago
85
Me trying to convince my grandpa to go at least the speed limit ๐
11 months ago
87
When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes ๐น
11 months ago
91
Me ignoring all the red flags๐ฉ because he's cute ๐
11 months ago
101
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits๐
11 months ago
99
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" ๐
11 months ago
58
When you and your mini-me match so hard, a DNA test is just a formality. ๐
11 months ago
85
Emily may have only 5 followers, but she has the support of the entire Galactic Empire. She's about to execute Order 66 on those who disagree with her.
11 months ago
77
When life gives you lemons, dilute them for maximum profit or just use something else entirely. It's called capitalism, look it up
11 months ago
85
WWI & WWII: Bombs away! ๐ฃ. WWIII: Syringes away! ๐. They don't make wars like they used to. Now we fight with vaccines instead of bombs. Stay woke. ๐
11 months ago
73
Me pretending to be productive ๐. So relatable it hurts!
11 months ago
86
When she wants the R8, but your bank account says 'salami and bologna special' ๐
11 months ago
96
"Woke up dead" ๐ has way more dramatic flair than "died in their sleep" ๐ด