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When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes ๐น
1 year ago
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Me ignoring all the red flags๐ฉ because he's cute ๐
1 year ago
295
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits๐
1 year ago
269
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" ๐
1 year ago
162
When you and your mini-me match so hard, a DNA test is just a formality. ๐
1 year ago
230
Emily may have only 5 followers, but she has the support of the entire Galactic Empire. She's about to execute Order 66 on those who disagree with her.
1 year ago
192
When life gives you lemons, dilute them for maximum profit or just use something else entirely. It's called capitalism, look it up
1 year ago
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WWI & WWII: Bombs away! ๐ฃ. WWIII: Syringes away! ๐. They don't make wars like they used to. Now we fight with vaccines instead of bombs. Stay woke. ๐
1 year ago
227
Me pretending to be productive ๐. So relatable it hurts!
1 year ago
228
When she wants the R8, but your bank account says 'salami and bologna special' ๐
1 year ago
249
"Woke up dead" ๐ has way more dramatic flair than "died in their sleep" ๐ด
1 year ago
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Me in 1999: 'Pshhh, peak human civilization? Yeah right!'
Me in 2024: 'So about those robot overlords...'
1 year ago
211
Nailed it. ๐
1 year ago
303
Me trying to explain to my family why a $12 carton of vegan eggs are cheaper than $3 regular eggs: ๐
1 year ago
251
When your shirt is trying to steal your thunder...and maybe a few other things ๐๐ #wardrobethievery #boobylicious #fashiontrends