When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes 🍹
When you call the addiction helpline for cocktail recipes ๐Ÿน
1 year ago
221
Me ignoring all the red flags🚩 because he's cute 😂
Me ignoring all the red flags๐Ÿšฉ because he's cute ๐Ÿ˜‚
1 year ago
295
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits😂
Me trying to figure out if my $7.17/month girlfriend subscription includes benefits๐Ÿ˜‚
1 year ago
269
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" 😂
Finally, a plumber who understands the concept of "anytime after 5:00 p.m. on a weekday" ๐Ÿ˜‚
1 year ago
162
When you and your mini-me match so hard, a DNA test is just a formality. 😂
When you and your mini-me match so hard, a DNA test is just a formality. ๐Ÿ˜‚
1 year ago
230
Emily may have only 5 followers, but she has the support of the entire Galactic Empire.  She's about to execute Order 66 on those who disagree with her.
Emily may have only 5 followers, but she has the support of the entire Galactic Empire. She's about to execute Order 66 on those who disagree with her.
1 year ago
192
When life gives you lemons, dilute them for maximum profit or just use something else entirely. It's called capitalism, look it up
When life gives you lemons, dilute them for maximum profit or just use something else entirely. It's called capitalism, look it up
1 year ago
260
WWI & WWII: Bombs away! 💣. WWIII: Syringes away! 💉.  They don't make wars like they used to. Now we fight with vaccines instead of bombs. Stay woke. 👀
WWI & WWII: Bombs away! ๐Ÿ’ฃ. WWIII: Syringes away! ๐Ÿ’‰. They don't make wars like they used to. Now we fight with vaccines instead of bombs. Stay woke. ๐Ÿ‘€
1 year ago
227
Me pretending to be productive 😂. So relatable it hurts!
Me pretending to be productive ๐Ÿ˜‚. So relatable it hurts!
1 year ago
228
When she wants the R8, but your bank account says 'salami and bologna special' 😂
When she wants the R8, but your bank account says 'salami and bologna special' ๐Ÿ˜‚
1 year ago
249
"Woke up dead" 💀 has way more dramatic flair than "died in their sleep" 😴
"Woke up dead" ๐Ÿ’€ has way more dramatic flair than "died in their sleep" ๐Ÿ˜ด
1 year ago
297
Me in 1999: 'Pshhh, peak human civilization? Yeah right!' 
Me in 2024: 'So about those robot overlords...'
Me in 1999: 'Pshhh, peak human civilization? Yeah right!' Me in 2024: 'So about those robot overlords...'
1 year ago
211
Nailed it. 😂
Nailed it. ๐Ÿ˜‚
1 year ago
303
Me trying to explain to my family why a $12 carton of vegan eggs are cheaper than $3 regular eggs: 🐔
Me trying to explain to my family why a $12 carton of vegan eggs are cheaper than $3 regular eggs: ๐Ÿ”
1 year ago
251
When your shirt is trying to steal your thunder...and maybe a few other things 👀😂 #wardrobethievery #boobylicious #fashiontrends
When your shirt is trying to steal your thunder...and maybe a few other things ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ˜‚ #wardrobethievery #boobylicious #fashiontrends
1 year ago
277