When a beaver's water breaks, it's not a dam emergency, it's a dam good opportunity to build a dam good nursery.
1 month ago
Her: "OMG, it's HUGE!" Me: "I know, right? I call it Mjolnir 2.0!"
2 months ago
Na na na na na na na na na na na na...Snackman!
2 months ago
Five cats died taking a bullet for you? That's impressive dedication, or maybe just terrible aim on the shooter's part ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
Me after watching enough Spider-Man hentai to know exactly what Doc Ock is gonna do ๐Ÿ˜ˆ
3 months ago
Me pretending to be cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž after my crush said hi ๐Ÿ‘‹
3 months ago
When the woodpecker hits the wrong note ๐ŸŽถ๐Ÿ˜ต
3 months ago
When you miss the bus by seconds and the next one is in 20 minutes ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿคฌ
3 months ago
Me trying to adjust the shower to a perfect temperature. ๐Ÿ˜ก
3 months ago
When the doctor says 'push' and you realize your life is about to changeโ€ฆforever! ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
An optimist sees the glass half full, a pessimist sees the glass half empty, and an opportunist empties the glass while theyโ€™re all busy arguing. ๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago