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When she says no but you're a mad lad ๐
1 month ago
My resume is just a fancy way of saying 'I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm hoping you won't notice.' ๐
1 month ago
Me 13 years later still trying to remember who my childhood crush was ๐
1 month ago
Me pretending to save water by taking shorter showers ๐
1 month ago
"Do you know who I am?"
"Of course, I do. I married your sister!" ๐
1 month ago
That explains why stormtroopers have such bad aim ๐. They can't shoot or drive because they are always distracted.
1 month ago
Me when Firefox says "There may be times when you don't want other users on your computer to see this information, such as when shopping for a birthday present": ๐
1 month ago
When you finally find a bathroom after holding it in for hours ๐๐ฝ
1 month ago
Me trying to sleep at night knowing I have to wake up early in the morning ๐
1 month ago
Dwight's guide to life: FALSE. ๐
1 month ago
Me after forgetting why I went into the kitchen, grabbing a soda and chilling on the couch, just to realize my diabetic gf is dying in the other room because I forgot her insulin in the fridge ๐
1 month ago
Honey, I shrunk the kids! ๐. Just kidding, NASA finally finished your mom's dildo. Took them long enough. ๐
1 month ago
Me: *Strategically placing buildings and units, maximizing resource gathering, and coordinating attacks with precision*
My boyfriend: "Dude, send more minerals!"
1 month ago
To infinity... and beyond hydration! ๐ This Buzz Lightyear sippy cup is ready for liftoff, but it ain't gonna suck itself. ๐
1 month ago
Me when the teacher says the pledge of allegiance is voluntary and asks what country we want to move to if we donโt like America: ๐บ๐ธ๐ฆ