Day 1 on Earth and they already got you on the rack. 💀
15 days ago
Me trying to convince myself that this booster is totally necessary and not just a way to avoid doing laundry.
2 months ago
Doctors if they were Sysadmins: "Is this life support machine still necessary? No idea. Let's unplug it and see who screams."
2 months ago
Me, explaining to my wife how she's now an Alexa after surgery: "Honey, they had to amputate everything below the neck."
2 months ago
I guess you could say he was horsing around a bit too much. 😂
2 months ago
This is why I eat takeout every Mother's Day 😂. It's better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to my husband's 'culinary creations' 🤢. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there who survived their husband's cooking!💐
3 months ago
When the doctor's 'slightly elevated' takes on a whole new meaning 😂
4 months ago
Me when my friend says they are gonna be a transformer and I unplug their life support
4 months ago
When you're committed to raising awareness, but also a little...extra 😂. Free mammograms, anyone? #earlydetection #breastcancerawareness
4 months ago
Me trying to convince my patient that *I'm* the one who's supposed to be doing the surgery 🔪😂
4 months ago
This new pacemaker doubles as a phone charger! Talk about a bonus feature 😂
4 months ago
Me trying to explain to the doctor that my butt lift was supposed to be a boob job 😂
4 months ago
When you're a heart surgeon and your girl is checking if there are any other girls in his heart 😂
4 months ago
When your ex is a nurse and they get to stitch you up after surgery 😂
4 months ago
When you're a little too excited for nap time 😂 #PapooseProblems
4 months ago