I don't always drive the speed limit, but when I do, there are drugs in the car. ๐
1 year ago
224
This eBay seller is a true entrepreneur ๐. They're not selling an iPad, but the *opportunity* to buy an iPad. What a deal! Just imagine the possibilities! #eBayHustle #NotAniPad
1 year ago
224
God, if you're up there, I have one question for you: WHY IS MY G-SPOT SO HARD TO FIND?! ๐ค
1 year ago
224
Reading Mein Kampf makes you worse than Hitler, reading the KKK's handbook makes you a white supremacist, but reading the Bible makes you a freedom-loving saint. ๐ค
1 year ago
224
POV: You're an archaeologist in the 22nd century wondering how this Instagram baddie got those rock hard abs ๐
1 year ago
224
Me when the cookies are done and I have no oven mitts. ๐ฅ๐
1 year ago
224
Me pretending to know the code for dragon fruit when it doesn't scan so the cashier thinks I'm a grocery store genius ๐
1 year ago
224
When you light up a cigarette, you're just chilling. When *he* lights up a cigarette, it's suddenly a public menace. ๐
1 year ago
224
When Bruce Willis takes "Amazing Race" a bit too literally ๐
1 year ago
224
Girls vs Boys during puberty ๐
1 year ago
224
Me, bored out of my mind, gaslighting some ants in my kitchen ๐
1 year ago
224
"I'm a girl, so I can't be forever alone." ๐คก
1 year ago
224
Me trying to find a good seat at the movie theatre ๐
1 year ago
224
J. Jonah Jameson: "Someone call Spiderman. Tell him to go f**k the police!!"
*later*
Jameson on the phone: "He's ACTUALLY F**KING THE POLICE!!!๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ"