Teacher: *Asks a question about numbers*
Student: *Makes it dirty*
Teacher: *Throws the student out of class* ๐
11 months ago
50
Vet: He's obese.
Cat: *tells his friend that the vet called him a beast*
11 months ago
50
Scrum masters after the 15-minute standup: "Mysteriously disappear into the ether to do very important, top-secret, can't-tell-you-about-it work" ๐ฎ๐คซ
11 months ago
50
Grandma: "I told you I was bringing sexy back!"
Grandpa: "Sweet Angel of Death, please take me now."
11 months ago
50
Me after wishing I could have more wishes
10 months ago
50
Obi-Wan is having too much fun for a day that will live in infamy. ๐
10 months ago
50
Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945. The Nazis surrendered on May 7th, 1945. Coincidence? I think not. Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists, he roundhouse kicks them into oblivion.
10 months ago
50
Grandma's vintage "exercise equipment" from the basement. ๐๐๐ฅ
10 months ago
50
Me pretending to enjoy the plastic food my niece made me for lunch
10 months ago
50
Life imitates art ๐
10 months ago
50
Me: *tells my problems to my friends and family*
Rock: Turn me over
Me: *turns the rock over*
Rock: Now you just took orders from a rock ๐ชจ
Me: ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฟ
10 months ago
50
When you want a memorable wedding...๐
9 months ago
50
Me trying to convince myself that this booster is totally necessary and not just a way to avoid doing laundry.
9 months ago
50
When one virus decides to take a vacation and the other throws a party ๐๐
8 months ago
50
Hollywood directors every time a scene takes place in Mexico. ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐