Me after eating an entire cake and rationalizing it by remembering how insignificant we all are in the grand scheme of the universe ๐
1 year ago
104
My car got broken into, but honestly, I'm more offended that they only ate the skin off my rotisserie chickens. Like, what kind of monster does that?! ๐ญ๐
1 year ago
104
When you realize 4am is way past a baby's bedtime ๐ #parenting
1 year ago
104
When the boys arrive and the party gets lit ๐ฅ๐
1 year ago
104
When your dad asks if you want to do literally anything with him except go see a Broadway musical ๐
1 year ago
104
Me, starting a new project vs. me, 3 months into the project: "Oh my, I've created a Frankensteinian monster of code again, haven't I?"
1 year ago
104
Deck the halls with boughs of... uh oh ๐ฌ. These vintage Nazi Christmas ornaments are a chilling reminder of a dark chapter in history. Talk about a tree-mendous blunder. ๐
1 year ago
104
She's about to enter a whole new dimension of disappointment ๐
1 year ago
104
"How to start flirting with a woman"
Step 1: Approach with confidence
Step 2: Gently tap her with your foot to get her attention
Step 3: Run๐โโ๏ธ๐จ
1 year ago
104
When you realize Westeros is just a medieval version of Europe with dragons and ice zombies ๐
1 year ago
104
Me trying to unsubscribe from any email list ๐ฉ
1 year ago
104
When you lose an argument on the internet ๐
1 year ago
104
When youโre heading to your concert in the opposite direction ๐ #KanyeWest #KanyeEast
1 year ago
104
New Surgeon Generalโs Warning: Smoking may turn you gay. Now with 50% more fabulous.
1 year ago
104
Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to... after hitting the ATM."