"Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Mohammad."
Me: *has a heart attack*
Daughter: "Just kidding, he's named Steve."
Me: "Thank god, for a second there, I thought I was going to have to learn Arabic."
10 months ago
1
Me realizing none of the dresses fit because I ate too much cake yesterday ๐
10 months ago
1
Nailed the landing... or did he? ๐
10 months ago
1
When you have a pregnancy scare after having sex without a condom and then she gets her period ๐
10 months ago
1
When Facebook suggests you add a baby as a friend and their profile picture is...well, you see. It was just an adorable baby. I am a monster and I'm going to hell.
10 months ago
1
When you realize your favorite TV show characters are just a bunch of rage comics ๐
10 months ago
1
Me trying to hold my life together ๐
10 months ago
1
When that Daft Punk beat drops on my cycling playlist ๐ง
10 months ago
1
When you're trying to enjoy a parade, but your friend spots the ice cream truck ๐ฆ๐
10 months ago
1
Me trying to make friends in the real world after spending 200 hours escaping the Aperture Science Enrichment Center
10 months ago
1
Me: Why do you watch Food Network when it doesn't make you a better cook?
Her: ...Why do you watch porn...?
Me: GET OUT ๐ช
10 months ago
1
When the printer knows what you're up to and refuses to cooperate ๐
10 months ago
1
Me pretending to be healthy after new years eve:๐ช
10 months ago
1
This guy's brain was hotter than his mining rig. ๐คฃ๐บ
10 months ago
1
When you hate your job so much that you complain on your boss's Facebook post and they fire you publicly ๐