Me trying to figure out my relationship status:
It's complicated ๐
1 year ago
52
I had a nightmare about living in a dystopian USA. Woke up in a cold sweat, then realized it wasn't a dream, it was just Tuesday. ๐ฌ
1 year ago
52
When you're an alien, but you've got to make a living somehow. Crop circles are so last season.๐๐ฝ
1 year ago
52
When you're Hitler's bodyguard and you hear a BZZZZAP outside his door at 3 AM: ๐๏ธ๐๐๏ธ
1 year ago
52
When you find out your "best friend" spent $250 on your dinner and you're like ๐๐ค
1 year ago
52
Me: I wish for all blind people to be able to see for 30 seconds.
Genie: ๐๏ธ๐๐๏ธ
1 year ago
52
My girlfriend is like my life... I don't have one ๐
1 year ago
52
Uranus: I'm not sure what's tighter, my rings or my sphincter after this headline ๐ช๐ฌ
1 year ago
52
If guns cause crime, then spoons make people fat, and pencils misspell words. Let's be real, it's not the tools, it's the choices people make! ๐ค
1 year ago
52
Meanwhile, in Thailand, the definition of "going to the bathroom" takes on a whole new meaning. ๐ฝ๐
1 year ago
52
Me trying to escape my responsibilities as an adult ๐
1 year ago
52
This guy deserves an award for the greatest comeback ever ๐
1 year ago
52
Kids these days with their triple-insulated, pH-balanced, organic water bottles. Back in my day, we risked it all for a sip from the communal metal germ dispenser and we LIKED it! ๐ฆ ๐
1 year ago
52
Meanwhile, at the International Women's Day parallel parking competition...๐
1 year ago
52
When you're so passionate about open source, you literally become a ninja. ๐