Back in my day, identity theft was as easy as opening the mailbox ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
5
When you ask for a picture of the truck and get a selfie instead ๐Ÿ˜‚. "Of the truck, dumbass!"
9 months ago
1
Me: I wish for all blind people to be able to see for 30 seconds. Genie: ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘๏ธ
9 months ago
6
I'm a big fan of geography puns. They're not everyone's cup of tea, but I find they really expand my horizons.
9 months ago
2
When you're a heart surgeon and your girl is checking if there are any other girls in his heart ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
5
I child-proofed my house, but they still get in. Me: *calls child protective services on MYSELF* ๐Ÿคช
9 months ago
8
Me pretending to be surprised when I find 3-week old leftovers in the back of the fridge: ๐Ÿ˜ฑ
9 months ago
3
Me after eating 413 chicken nuggets: My body: *windows shutting down sound*
9 months ago
8
Me after wearing the stress-converting bracelet for 5 minutes: I have become Thor, God of Thunder โšก๏ธ(and anxiety).
9 months ago
2
When your boyfriend's sleep-talking has you side-eyeing the cat like he's an accomplice ๐Ÿ˜‚
9 months ago
5
When your girl says size doesn't matter but you realize she was talking about her own. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
9 months ago
5
When your social battery dies. โ˜ ๏ธ
9 months ago
4
Skeletor: *appears* NYEAAH! Another introvert tip for all of you! Tell everyone at the beginning of your phone call that your battery is dying, then hang up whenever you want! MWA-HA-HA! Audience: *cheers*
9 months ago
4
Me trying to avoid all the ads YouTube is shoving in my face these days ๐Ÿ‘€
9 months ago
3
Taylor Swift's new album sounds a bit... gassy๐Ÿ’จ๐ŸŽค
9 months ago
8