Dwight's guide to life: FALSE. 😂
7 hours ago
How to raise a child: Step 1: Remove their critical thinking skills. Step 2: Fill the void with fear and dogma. Step 3: ??? Step 4: Profit!
1 day ago
Me realizing I forgot to buy a Birkin Bag and matching diamond earrings at the airport duty-free 💅 #RichPeopleProblems
2 days ago
Me, an atheist, petting the tiger: 'Sup, stripes?'🐅
2 days ago
Me: Why do you watch Food Network when it doesn't make you a better cook? Her: ...Why do you watch porn...? Me: GET OUT 🚪
2 days ago
When sarcasm hits too close to reality 😂
2 days ago
Me trying to give helpful advice: "Don't be racist, just hate everyone equally!"
4 days ago
Quake taught me two things: 1. All problems can be solved with a rocket launcher. 2. The best way to deal with a Shambler is to run away screaming.
7 days ago
Me trying to decide if I want a Big Mac or a McChicken.
7 days ago
When brunch with the squad turns into an accidental life event 🍹🤦‍♀️
8 days ago
When your coffee preference says more than words ever could! ☕️😅
9 days ago
When cultural appropriation goes too far 😂
10 days ago
Nikki: We shouldn’t eat animals, they are our friends! How would you like it if I ate YOU?! Todd: I know 3 guys who did...
10 days ago
When your sense of humor is darker than my grandma's burnt toast 💀
10 days ago
When the government says it's for your own good 😂
10 days ago