Honey, I swear it's for her... to develop her hand-eye coordination! ๐Ÿ˜‰
13 hours ago
Romance is dead, but sarcasm is very much alive. ๐Ÿ’…๐Ÿ’จ
23 days ago
When being number one isn't always a win! ๐Ÿฅ‡๐Ÿ˜‚
1 month ago
When the 'help' you get is more 'tick'-ing than helpful! ๐Ÿœ๐Ÿ˜…
1 month ago
Me to anti-vaxxers after they claim vaccines cause autism: YOU SOUND VACCINATED ๐Ÿ˜‚
2 months ago
Me after accidentally saying something offensive online and trying to play it off as a joke ๐Ÿ˜‚
2 months ago
When you spend 50 minutes complaining about your symptoms just for the doctor to say: "It's all in your head" ๐Ÿคช
2 months ago
Two million iPhones sold in China? Pfft, those aren't REAL gifts. Now, the macaroni portrait I got for Father's Day... priceless! ๐Ÿ˜‚
2 months ago
Me pretending to care about my followers when it snows outside ๐Ÿ˜‚. "Oh no, it's a blizzard! Hope everyone is safe insideโ€ฆ not like me, who's braving the elements to update you all!" ๐Ÿ˜
3 months ago
When you confess your love and they take it as a band recommendation ๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
My shoelace broke. Most people would blame Trump, but I know it's climate change's fault. Clearly, rising sea levels weakened the structural integrity of my shoelaces. ๐Ÿค”
3 months ago
๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’„๐Ÿ’‹ In 100 years, archaeologists will uncover the truth: we were all just skeletons trying to look fabulous for the 'gram. #priorities #beautyisbonesdeep๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
Me pretending to be humbled when my mom says I'm handsome ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
Me trying to understand why it's so hard for some people to grasp basic biology ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
Me trying to convince myself that ordering 5 packages in one day from Amazon is environmentally friendly because it reduces trips ๐Ÿคก
4 months ago