When you just really want a Pepsi but also kinda want a seizure. Epilepsy, the official sponsor of spontaneous fits of happiness (and maybe some other stuff too ๐Ÿ˜‰).
4 months ago
Me, multitasking like a pro. One hand on the phone, the other... oh wait, I'm pumping. Guess that's three tasks at once! ๐Ÿคฑโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
70% chance of rape today, but hey, at least it's sunny tomorrow! โ˜€๏ธ
4 months ago
One gives away corporate secrets for free and is a villain. The other gives away YOUR secrets for money and is Man of the Year. ๐Ÿค”
4 months ago
When you're a master pianist, but take the term "fingering the minors" a bit too literally ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
4 months ago
Me trying to look busy at work so my boss doesn't give me extra tasks ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
Finally, a parking ticket worth getting excited about! ๐Ÿคฉ Is it double the fine or a free pass? ๐Ÿค” The suspense is killing me! ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
Quake taught me two things: 1. All problems can be solved with a rocket launcher. 2. The best way to deal with a Shambler is to run away screaming.
4 months ago
Yo, check it, it's ya boy A.H. droppin' some sick rhymes 'bout my life. Straight outta Braunau, Austria, representin' the Third Reich. Keepin' it real with Eva in the back, license plate sayin' 'Fuhrer.' Word to your mother.
4 months ago
Buzz Lightyear sippy cup: "It ain't gonna suck itself!" ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
When you accidentally eat pork, but remember to repent before itโ€™s too late ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™
4 months ago
When she's upset and says tell me everything but doesn't want solutions just wants you to listen ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
If he pauses his game in the middle of a boss fight just to text you back, you better put a ring on it!๐Ÿ’
4 months ago
Me trying to figure out if my steak is medium rare using advanced technology ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 months ago
When you realize "shuttlecock" sounds a bit sus ๐Ÿ˜‚. At least it wasn't taken, right? ๐Ÿ˜
4 months ago