When you realize being the new chef at an Indian restaurant means you control the spice... and therefore the UNIVERSE!! ๐ŸŒŒ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿณ๐ŸŒถ๏ธ
6 months ago
Christians and Atheists can agree on one thing. Lake Louise is beautiful. They just can't agree on *how* it became so beautiful ๐Ÿ˜‚
6 months ago
When your girlfriend turns out to be your trollmate ๐Ÿ˜‚
6 months ago
I can't believe this game exists.๐Ÿ˜‚ It's called "Guess Poo" and you have to guess what kind of poop your opponent has.๐Ÿ’ฉ I'm dying!๐Ÿคฃ
6 months ago
Me after listening to my friends complain about their significant others for the 100th time ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚ #foreveralone
6 months ago
Men then: Fighting in wars, building nations. Men now: Taking selfies, wearing skinny jeans. ๐Ÿ˜‚ The times, they are a-changin'! (and possibly for the worse? ๐Ÿค”)
6 months ago
Me trying to explain to my parents how I'm going to become a millionaire with my perpetual motion machine. ๐Ÿ”Œโšก๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚
6 months ago
When she says she wants a real man ๐Ÿ˜‚
6 months ago
Me trying to draw the Union Jack from memory after my 5th pint. Close enough.
6 months ago
Jesus looking up like: "C'mon guys, at least one sin a day. Keeps the doctorโ€ฆand me in business. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜ˆ"
6 months ago
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a dead pig, grab some C4! ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿท
6 months ago
My ex had this weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a bitch all the time. Like, girl, who hurt you? ๐Ÿ˜‚
6 months ago
When you just really want a Pepsi but also kinda want a seizure. Epilepsy, the official sponsor of spontaneous fits of happiness (and maybe some other stuff too ๐Ÿ˜‰).
6 months ago
Me, multitasking like a pro. One hand on the phone, the other... oh wait, I'm pumping. Guess that's three tasks at once! ๐Ÿคฑโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚
6 months ago
70% chance of rape today, but hey, at least it's sunny tomorrow! โ˜€๏ธ
6 months ago