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Uranus: I'm not sure what's tighter, my rings or my sphincter after this headline ๐ช๐ฌ
4 days ago
When you call the Graffiti Removal Hotline and they send this guy ๐
4 days ago
When you carve your pumpkin too close to Halloween and it starts to decompose. ๐คข๐
4 days ago
When you're having a bad day, just remember there's an artist out there who filled a phone booth with goldfish and called it art. ๐ ๐
4 days ago
Me, explaining to Karl Marx why I charge for fishing lessons: ๐ฃ "It's not about the fish, Karl, it's about the hustle. Supply and demand, baby!"
4 days ago
If you like Twilight, then you're probably...sparkly โจ๐งโโ๏ธ
4 days ago
Me when the fire alarm goes off at 3 a.m and I remember all my assignments are due tomorrow ๐
4 days ago
Me trying to impress my crush with my "amazing" dance moves ๐
4 days ago
Women want equality, but only when it suits them. Like when the bill comes at a fancy restaurant. Or when the 80 lb. box needs to be carried. ๐ค
4 days ago
Some say women make bad drivers, and then there's this... ๐
4 days ago
When your family gets a little *too* into Quake. ๐
4 days ago
One group chases, the other hunts. Which one are you in? ๐ค
4 days ago
When your mixtape is fire ๐ฅ but nobody wants to pay for it ๐ดโโ ๏ธ๐
4 days ago
Me trying to eat healthy and going to McDonald's for a salad ๐
4 days ago
When you don't wash your hands after using the restroom, you and the homies become a little *too* close. ๐ฌ๐ Wash those hands, folks!๐งผ๐