Uranus: I'm not sure what's tighter, my rings or my sphincter after this headline ๐Ÿช๐Ÿ˜ฌ
4 days ago
When you call the Graffiti Removal Hotline and they send this guy ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 days ago
When you carve your pumpkin too close to Halloween and it starts to decompose. ๐Ÿคข๐ŸŽƒ
4 days ago
When you're having a bad day, just remember there's an artist out there who filled a phone booth with goldfish and called it art. ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ“ž
4 days ago
Me, explaining to Karl Marx why I charge for fishing lessons: ๐ŸŽฃ "It's not about the fish, Karl, it's about the hustle. Supply and demand, baby!"
4 days ago
If you like Twilight, then you're probably...sparkly โœจ๐Ÿง›โ€โ™‚๏ธ
4 days ago
Me when the fire alarm goes off at 3 a.m and I remember all my assignments are due tomorrow ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 days ago
Me trying to impress my crush with my "amazing" dance moves ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 days ago
Women want equality, but only when it suits them. Like when the bill comes at a fancy restaurant. Or when the 80 lb. box needs to be carried. ๐Ÿค”
4 days ago
Some say women make bad drivers, and then there's this... ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 days ago
When your family gets a little *too* into Quake. ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 days ago
One group chases, the other hunts. Which one are you in? ๐Ÿค”
4 days ago
When your mixtape is fire ๐Ÿ”ฅ but nobody wants to pay for it ๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿ’€
4 days ago
Me trying to eat healthy and going to McDonald's for a salad ๐Ÿ˜‚
4 days ago
When you don't wash your hands after using the restroom, you and the homies become a little *too* close. ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ˜‚ Wash those hands, folks!๐Ÿงผ๐Ÿ‘
4 days ago