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When you reach enlightenment but you're a pear
1 year ago
153
Making of The Dictator: When you accidentally throw away the script and have to improvise the entire movie.
1 year ago
212
Me trying to decipher my brain after one too many adult beverages ๐
1 year ago
149
Earth in 2500: On fire ๐ฅ. Mars in 2500: Beach vibes ๐๏ธ. Who would've thought? ๐
1 year ago
158
When you want to join the mounted police but you're not a horse. ๐ด๐ฎ
1 year ago
152
When you find the real pot of gold at the end of the rainbow ๐ป๐
1 year ago
185
Me choosing to become a software engineer after realizing how crowded and noisy the library gets during exam week. ๐
1 year ago
151
Her: Why did we need radios, our relationship is over.
Him: Building his cardboard fort of solitude. Our relationship is what? Over.
1 year ago
132
Never date a girl who works at Subway! She knows what a real 6" looks like ๐
1 year ago
125
Me trying to call 911 after my face got rekt by a gang of pixels. ๐ญ
1 year ago
204
Me trying to look cute in my profile picture vs. me five minutes later realizing I have 10 assignments due tomorrow ๐
1 year ago
156
She's not just breaking the law, she's breaking the cycle of dirty dishes. A true criminal mastermind.
1 year ago
144
Me trying to avoid awkward small talk when I run into my gynecologist outside of the clinic ๐
1 year ago
163
When your liberal minded lesbian neighbors ask for your help conceiving a child "the old fashioned way" and you've been trying to knock them up for 6 months after getting a vasectomy last year ๐ฌ
1 year ago
145
Me: *hands cashier wasp spray* Is this good for wasps?
Cashier: *scanning* No, it kills them. ๐