Me trying to evenly spread Nutella on my toast without ripping it to shreds 😂
4 months ago
Finally, a pizza I can sleep with and not feel guilty about afterwards 😋
4 months ago
When you're grilling and someone says they're vegetarian: "I DIDN'T ASK IF YOU WERE A VEGETARIAN, I ASKED IF YOU WANTED SOME FUCKIN' BACON!!!" 🥓🔥😂
4 months ago
Me pretending to be a meatball in a marinara sauce filled bathtub at 3am
4 months ago
Vegans be like: "No animals were harmed in the making of this salad." Meanwhile, Will Smith is like: "Hold my beer, I've got a whole ecosystem in my tractor beam!"
4 months ago
Me trying to make healthy choices by only eating the chocolate covered bacon 🥓🍫
4 months ago
Roses are red, bacon is red. She wants romance, I want to be fed.🥓🌹
4 months ago
Single? Just make a heart-shaped egg. Problem solved! ❤️
4 months ago
Me showing off the ice spheres I make for my cocktails vs. The device I actually use to make them 😂
4 months ago
Live footage of me trying to convince myself that a salad is just as good as a double cheeseburger.
4 months ago
When life gives you oranges, make art. 🍊👨‍🎨
4 months ago
When someone steals your Happy Meal, so you steal their happiness. 😈
4 months ago
Me trying to eat healthy and going to McDonald's for a salad 😂
4 months ago
Me trying to resist that Nutella-filled donut on my way home: 🥵
4 months ago
Me after eating 413 chicken nuggets: My body: *windows shutting down sound*
4 months ago