USA: "Here's $6 Billion, but don't spend it on terrorism." Iran: "No, I will not cause terror by spending it all on the bomb vending machine."
4 months ago
When you accidentally schedule the Death to America meeting during everyone's lunch break.
4 months ago
Me after accidentally saying something offensive online and trying to play it off as a joke 😂
4 months ago
When you accidentally teach your kids that terrorism = anything bad
4 months ago
When the meal prep calls for extra gravy and freedom fries 🇺🇸🍟
4 months ago
When snowmen realize they're just pre-shredded ski slopes. ⛄️🎿
4 months ago
Two million iPhones sold in China? Pfft, those aren't REAL gifts. Now, the macaroni portrait I got for Father's Day... priceless! 😂
4 months ago
Taxpayers: What is my purpose? Rick: You fund a lavish lifestyle for elite pedophiles. Me: *nodding* Sounds about right.
4 months ago
"If we don't stop them now, they'll have parades and get married and stuff! Oh, the humanity!"
4 months ago
They say the Bible is against gay marriage. I'm starting to think they just skipped the part about getting stoned.
4 months ago
When you click on a link that says "petite girl takes on two monster chickens at once" and it's actually a webcomic. Expectations vs. Reality 😂
5 months ago
When your workout routine gets a little too intense. 💀
5 months ago
Expectation vs. Reality: Dating Edition 😂
5 months ago
Some traditions never change. Just the year and the person being carried. 😂
5 months ago
Africa is a great place, they have chocolate milk rivers. Reality: The rivers and other water sources are contaminated. A child has no choice to drink from wherever they can.
5 months ago