When you're an alien, but you've got to make a living somehow. Crop circles are so last season.๐๐ฝ
1 year ago
86
"Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Mohammad."
Me: *has a heart attack*
Daughter: "Just kidding, he's named Steve."
Me: "Thank god, for a second there, I thought I was going to have to learn Arabic."
1 year ago
86
When you drop trou in front of a cop car and realize there is an officer inside ๐๐. Justice served swiftly. #baddecisions #mooning #police
1 year ago
86
Me trying to touch my toes after sitting at my computer for 8 hours ๐
1 year ago
86
Me trying to land my first ollie ๐
1 year ago
86
When you've spent 8 months in the black void of space contemplating the meaning of existence, and all you get upon your return is a Katy Perry concert and some forced patriotism.
1 year ago
86
Me trying to avoid all the ads YouTube is shoving in my face these days ๐
1 year ago
86
Me trying to explain to my girlfriend why the hairdryer was in the bathroomโฆ and not in the kitchen
1 year ago
86
Me trying to explain to my boss why I can't handle the surprise birthday party they threw for me, complete with flashing lights and a mariachi band. ๐
1 year ago
86
The only virus I wouldn't mind getting. It's more helpful than my IT department! ๐
1 month ago
86
Well, that's one way to break the news about his father's past. ๐
1 month ago
86
When you get so high you think someone else is making a move, but it's just your own hand. Peak party foul moment. ๐
1 month ago
86
The 'New life, new me' starter pack in Thailand comes with some expensive hidden fees. ๐ ๐ธ
26 days ago
86
Seeking wisdom on /b/ is like asking a cat for swimming lessons ๐ง๐
1 year ago
85
When you and your friend argue over who gets the last piece of pizza ๐