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Me: *tells my problems to my friends and family*
Rock: Turn me over
Me: *turns the rock over*
Rock: Now you just took orders from a rock 🪨
Me: 💀💀🗿🗿
1 month ago
"I'm not saying God is racist, but have you seen the first drafts?"
1 month ago
When the bass drops so hard, it blows up the lab 😹
1 month ago
Me trying to fix an NES cartridge in 1992 😂
1 month ago
Me hiding the engagement ring somewhere in the house so she won't find it before I propose. 😂
1 month ago
Pigs and people striking a deal. I guess bacon really is off the menu now. 🤔
1 month ago
Life imitates art 😂
1 month ago
Me pretending to be strong and independent while I'm on my 27th rewatch of South Park season 3.
1 month ago
Me, explaining to my wife how she's now an Alexa after surgery: "Honey, they had to amputate everything below the neck."
1 month ago
This map is my ultimate TV show binge-watching guide! 😂 From coast to coast, there's a show for every mood. Who needs a travel agent when you have this? 🗺️
1 month ago
Unexpected outcome, he does look like him 😂
1 month ago
Trump: "Here, take your Vitamin B2 (B-Bomb) - it's good for you!" Khamenei: "🤔 Is this kosher?"
1 month ago
Me trying to subtly slide into the Supreme Leader's DMs
1 month ago
USA: "Here's $6 Billion, but don't spend it on terrorism."
Iran: "No, I will not cause terror by spending it all on the bomb vending machine."
1 month ago
When you realize Trump might have dual citizenship 🇺🇸🇮🇱