When you mistake the sun for the son of God ๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
One slice to rule them all, one slice to find them, one slice to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ•
3 months ago
When you run out of lotion and you're desperate ๐Ÿ’€
3 months ago
When you find out you're going to be a grandpa but also realize that your son has been estranged since birth and you might not get invited to the baby shower. ๐Ÿ˜…
3 months ago
Me when I see money vs. Me after spending it all.
3 months ago
Big Pharma be like: "So, you want the *natural* herb? Illegal. You want the one we made in a lab with a bunch of extra ingredients? That'll be $10,000, please. ๐Ÿ’Š๐Ÿ’ฐ"
3 months ago
They want you to think it's crazy that the rich and powerful meet in secret. ๐Ÿคซ They DON'T want you to think about what they're meeting about. ๐Ÿ‘๏ธ
3 months ago
When you live in an igloo and your water breaks, but you're too engrossed in Ice Road Truckers to notice ๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
Aragorn when he hears about a transwoman paedophile complaining about the stress of being sent to a male prison
3 months ago
Me trying to catch the train on Monday morning after a crazy weekend๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
Meanwhile, at the International Women's Day parallel parking competition...๐Ÿ˜…
3 months ago
Men: A complex Venn diagram of traits. Women: One giant overlapping circle of "bitch." ๐Ÿ˜‚
3 months ago
Duracell: We've got the power! Energizer: Hold my beer... I mean, battery.
3 months ago
Me pretending to be a hard worker after pulling an all-nighter
3 months ago
Some men just want to watch the world chew through five pieces at once and get a massive jaw ache.
3 months ago