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When your girl says size doesn't matter but you realize she was talking about her own. ðŽ
2 days ago
Me trying to explain to the officer that I wasn't trying to run. I just really needed my seatbelt on because I spilled my iced coffee. âïļð
2 days ago
She knows what's up ð. Date night just got a whole lot more interesting ð #relationshipgoals #datenight #adulting
2 days ago
Pro of being an adult: I can eat a whole box of cookies. Con of being an adult: I ate a whole box of cookies.
2 days ago
Me explaining to my doctor that the constant, agonizing pain I feel is just a Tuesday.
2 days ago
Me, the student with the worst grades, giving a graduation speech about how education is important: ððĪĄ
2 days ago
When your boyfriend's sleep-talking has you side-eyeing the cat like he's an accomplice ð
2 days ago
Me after wearing the stress-converting bracelet for 5 minutes: I have become Thor, God of Thunder âĄïļ(and anxiety).
2 days ago
Me after eating 413 chicken nuggets:
My body: *windows shutting down sound*
2 days ago
Me pretending to be surprised when I find 3-week old leftovers in the back of the fridge: ðą
2 days ago
I child-proofed my house, but they still get in.
Me: *calls child protective services on MYSELF* ðĪŠ
2 days ago
When you're a heart surgeon and your girl is checking if there are any other girls in his heart ð
2 days ago
I'm a big fan of geography puns. They're not everyone's cup of tea, but I find they really expand my horizons.
2 days ago
Me: I wish for all blind people to be able to see for 30 seconds.
Genie: ðïļððïļ
2 days ago
When you ask for a picture of the truck and get a selfie instead ð. "Of the truck, dumbass!"