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Grandma's vintage "exercise equipment" from the basement. ๐๐๐ฅ
1 year ago
160
USA: I'm attacking Iran because they have nuclear weapons!
Person: Why don't you attack Russia?
USA: Are you crazy? They have nuclear weapons! ๐
1 year ago
179
Me when I check my boyfriend's phone to see if he's been talking to other girls but instead find 50 selfies of myself in his camera roll ๐ญ
1 year ago
228
When you spend 50 minutes complaining about your symptoms just for the doctor to say: "It's all in your head" ๐คช
1 year ago
240
Me to Java updates when they interrupt my coding flow ๐. Ain't nobody got time for that! #NotToday
1 year ago
223
Two million iPhones sold in China? Pfft, those aren't REAL gifts. Now, the macaroni portrait I got for Father's Day... priceless! ๐
1 year ago
245
When you think you are smarter than a tow truck driver ๐
1 year ago
261
When someone asks what my Asian friend looks like ๐ค
1 year ago
192
Taxpayers: What is my purpose?
Rick: You fund a lavish lifestyle for elite pedophiles.
Me: *nodding* Sounds about right.
1 year ago
255
Me trying to understand how the government can be $37 trillion in debt after taxing us so much. ๐ค
1 year ago
213
Xi Jinping: It needs more wasabi.
1 year ago
157
When you're fighting for soft skin in the digital battlefield ๐
1 year ago
243
Me pretending to have a special talent so people don't realize I'm just a professional breather ๐
1 year ago
227
Elon trying to sleep knowing the servers are down again ๐
1 year ago
242
When helping someone involves writing a new law ๐ #GoodSamaritan #ModernProblems